ianandkath
Free Member
where did the real action take place, we all wonder,lol ian
Ian and helga go south !!
- Thread starter ianthebuilder
- Start date
appydaze
LIFE MEMBER
You've got a bigger grin with the one with shorts on Ian. I recon she has stolen your heart or something...........
You've got a bigger grin with the one with shorts on Ian. I recon she has stolen your heart or something...........
Wallet?
OP
OP
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Nah, I recon he'd be pretty quick most of the time, if he's got the right 'boots' on, but liable to throw a strop and sulk a lot and cost a lot of money!
Hi Ian.. Ask Bernt where he got his hair and order one !! No wonder you got on, you are like twins man. I have a lot of German friends, having spent nearly 20 years there in the Army (way back). You have definitely got a good un there. Enjoy.
Reference the flamenco, I fancy the one in the shorts is the best bet....
Reference the flamenco, I fancy the one in the shorts is the best bet....
OP
OP
Well hello !!!! I just got back to helga and in a bit I'm going to have a kip!!
What a weekend that was!! It seemed like it went by in a flash !! Now I have to process all that happened and formulate the series of events, leave out the gory bits and then post a detailed description of what's left! Lol. I will do it later but for now I just want to say that it was just pure genius on burndts part to mention wanting to go last week!! And again. What a weekend!!!
Well sun is out here and it feels good to be home for a rest,, lol.
What a weekend that was!! It seemed like it went by in a flash !! Now I have to process all that happened and formulate the series of events, leave out the gory bits and then post a detailed description of what's left! Lol. I will do it later but for now I just want to say that it was just pure genius on burndts part to mention wanting to go last week!! And again. What a weekend!!!
Well sun is out here and it feels good to be home for a rest,, lol.
OP
OP
Ok, we arrived in Cadiz, found a great hotel, had a walk round and then got sorted for a night out!! Had a lovely steak in an Argentinian restaurant and started drinking!!
Now my drink of choice this weekend on burndts recommendation was dark rum and Coke,, I do like it a lot and I first discovered it on a holiday to Cuba.
In so many ways Cadiz reminds me of Cuba, old buildings, balconies, communal park areas etc full of people chatting and laughing, teenagers having a kiss and a cuddle , kids running round, yes lots of life!!
So after chatting to a few people and getting the real story behind Cadiz, current economic climate, large unemployment numbers etc we set off in search of alcohol and fun!!!
We had a couple of drinks in what I call traditional Spanish bars ( not much in the way of luxuries, but all the food and tapas and varieties of alcohol you would need!! ). And got nicely relaxed!
Walked into the reccommended flamenco bar and ordered another drink, started talking to a couple of people about flamenco and the tradition etc and found it quite interesting !!
All was going lovely throughout the night and we could be found in the company of a nice few girls and women( who were as interested in our travels as we were in them, if you get my drift!! ) but I think this upset the bar owner a bit who was a youngish bloke, who had a thing apparently for one of the girls I was chatting to, and laughing with, and flirting with( which was being reciprecated!!). But was told it was no problem by her as she was not interested in him !!! But towards the end of a funny, happy, boosy night he tried to stitch us up with a bill and drink so it somewhat blotted the night!! But that was all soon forgotten with more rum!!!
Got back to the hotel ( not at all sober) and fell into a coma!!! That was pretty much Friday taken care off!!
Woke on sat about 8 ,30 ish and went downstairs for a bit of brekky, which consisted of a few cups of tea, and a couple of fags!! ( breakfast of champions). Lol met burndt an hour later and headed out into the wild blue yonder!!
Well we went by car to a shopping mall in a place called bahir Sur and had a good morning, sampling the tortilla on offer, coffee and shopping for a few bits, then when we'd had enough we went back to the hotel where burndt said he wanted a kip so we parted with plans to meet at 7 ish later!!
It was about then I got a text from Maria rose, ( the girl in the shorts in the pic) asking if I fancied a coffee by the cathedral in the old town, ok I said , that would be lovely ( as the stirring in his jeans got More and more )
Got to the cathedral and started looking for her sitting alone and patiently waiting for me at some table!! Well how wrong was I!! Mum, dad, sister, brothers, their wives were all there chatting and feverishly nattering away!
Got spotted, invited over and had a lovely hour pretending to understand what was going on!!
After a bit I said my goodbyes and Maria and I wandered off! ( yes , she said she would show me Cadiz) went to a large indoor market that was mobbed with people eating the tapas etc and drinking much !! Then the walls of the fort or whatever it was, then into the botanical gardens which were lovely!!
Got back to the hotel at about 6,30 and laid on the bed to have a kip for an hour( or so I thought) the phone rand at seven and burndt who had been asleep for 4 hrs said he was hungry so let's go out at 7,30. Ok I said I will shower and get sorted!!
Got done, went downstairs and out into the evening breeze!! Had a walk along the front, popping into various restaurants etc but none were doing food till 8 or 8,30 and burndt was starving! Lol. Well it was then when we walked around the corner coming to a stop outside a Chinese ,, ooo he said I like a Chinese, so we went in and sat down!! Bonus they were open!!
Menu was bought over but it was in such a bad way I couldn't read it without going dizzy( it was double printed over itself and was all fuzzy) burndt said he fancied duck and pineapple with a spring roll starter, sounded good to me so he ordered and I just doubled it up!!
Spring roll arrived and was devoured! Lovely it was big and fresh and piping hot a good start!! Then the main arrived , Lolol. A plate of duck covered in pineapple with juices from said pineapples and sweet and sour sauce floating it all about and dribbling off the plates arrived in front of each of us,, Looked at it and awaited delivery of rice!! Didn't happen !! Apparently we didn't order any cause burndt said that it didn't have to be ordered seperately ! ( like in the highly efficient state of Germany) apparently!!! By the time we had got rice the whole plate in front of me had turned into some sort of duck soup!! Tried to ressurect it with rice but was a lost cause!! Had a few mouthfuls but wasn't impressed so paid and left!
Got into the first bar of the night and it turned out that more live flamenco was going to start at ten !
Had many rum and cokes and got nicely relaxed, well the entertainment started at about 11 and it was a guy on guitar, a female singer and a male singer, not a dancer in sight ( and I thought flamenco was a dance style)
Well the guy singer introduced everyone in Spanish and then proceeded to tell a story, none of wich I understood but was only being sporadically interrupted by the girl wailing and clapping and stamping her foot to the tune of the guitar !! We I must have missed something cause everybody was clapping and shouting and she was wailing, then he started wailing, then the guitarist started wailing , then a couple in the crowd started wailing. Christ it was weird!!
They all were enjoying it,, I'm afraid me and me mate didn't get it,, and we wanted to leave but we couldn't get out till there was a break or the girl had stopped throwing herself all over the stage area and a few tables, while the bloke was singing in a strange voice at various pitch levels !!
So ten mins later with hearing problems we got out!! We decided that we couldn't understand it so we left it at that ! Walked into a dark bar further along the front wich was buzzing, music, loads of people, mostly blokes , and a massive barman!! Ordered and had a couple of rum and cokes and then some more!! After half an hour longer I needed the loo, but just before I went 3 shot glasses appeared on the bar in front of us and were filled with God knows what?? Barman said something to berndt and we downed the liquid! Lovely and free??
Got to the loo wich was a bit dark and dingy, proceeded to wee and looked up!! Right in front of me was a machine selling anal stimulators for 3 euros each!!! They last for 25 mins as well it said !! I suppose that's not bad value if your into that sort of thing!! Lol. Well then it hit me !!! Christ were in a gay bar!!!
Got to me mate, who was busy fending off the advances of a bloke with a leather fetish and hit the road !!!
Had a laugh about it and got into another bar along the front! This was a younger crowd, music by live dj, lots of selfies being taken and quite obviously it was frequented by the local in-crowd!!
But they were all pretty cool and wanted to chat to the old boys who obviously weren't local and many rum and cokes were drunk!!
Got out about 4 am. Went to hotel , got to rooms and had a laugh about duck soup and the 20 euros burndt was charged in a bar for a few slices of jammon! said good night?
Got into room , and then saw I had a message on my phone!! " My friends not going out tonight Ian, do you want to drink with me at my house? Maria! " timed at 9 30. Well I was a bit gutted then that I had t seen it earlier!! But being hammered I fell onto bed, dreaming of what might have been !!
I could have had a night of drinks, nibbles, cuddles and chuckles but I got. Duck and pineapple soup, weird wailing music, a close escape from the anal vibrator brigade and gangster rap!!! Still this morning we had a laugh and agreed it was a brilliant weekend !!
I hope you all enjoyed yours as much. Hopefully chat tomorrow!!! Xxxxxx Ian.
Now my drink of choice this weekend on burndts recommendation was dark rum and Coke,, I do like it a lot and I first discovered it on a holiday to Cuba.
In so many ways Cadiz reminds me of Cuba, old buildings, balconies, communal park areas etc full of people chatting and laughing, teenagers having a kiss and a cuddle , kids running round, yes lots of life!!
So after chatting to a few people and getting the real story behind Cadiz, current economic climate, large unemployment numbers etc we set off in search of alcohol and fun!!!
We had a couple of drinks in what I call traditional Spanish bars ( not much in the way of luxuries, but all the food and tapas and varieties of alcohol you would need!! ). And got nicely relaxed!
Walked into the reccommended flamenco bar and ordered another drink, started talking to a couple of people about flamenco and the tradition etc and found it quite interesting !!
All was going lovely throughout the night and we could be found in the company of a nice few girls and women( who were as interested in our travels as we were in them, if you get my drift!! ) but I think this upset the bar owner a bit who was a youngish bloke, who had a thing apparently for one of the girls I was chatting to, and laughing with, and flirting with( which was being reciprecated!!). But was told it was no problem by her as she was not interested in him !!! But towards the end of a funny, happy, boosy night he tried to stitch us up with a bill and drink so it somewhat blotted the night!! But that was all soon forgotten with more rum!!!
Got back to the hotel ( not at all sober) and fell into a coma!!! That was pretty much Friday taken care off!!
Woke on sat about 8 ,30 ish and went downstairs for a bit of brekky, which consisted of a few cups of tea, and a couple of fags!! ( breakfast of champions). Lol met burndt an hour later and headed out into the wild blue yonder!!
Well we went by car to a shopping mall in a place called bahir Sur and had a good morning, sampling the tortilla on offer, coffee and shopping for a few bits, then when we'd had enough we went back to the hotel where burndt said he wanted a kip so we parted with plans to meet at 7 ish later!!
It was about then I got a text from Maria rose, ( the girl in the shorts in the pic) asking if I fancied a coffee by the cathedral in the old town, ok I said , that would be lovely ( as the stirring in his jeans got More and more )
Got to the cathedral and started looking for her sitting alone and patiently waiting for me at some table!! Well how wrong was I!! Mum, dad, sister, brothers, their wives were all there chatting and feverishly nattering away!
Got spotted, invited over and had a lovely hour pretending to understand what was going on!!
After a bit I said my goodbyes and Maria and I wandered off! ( yes , she said she would show me Cadiz) went to a large indoor market that was mobbed with people eating the tapas etc and drinking much !! Then the walls of the fort or whatever it was, then into the botanical gardens which were lovely!!
Got back to the hotel at about 6,30 and laid on the bed to have a kip for an hour( or so I thought) the phone rand at seven and burndt who had been asleep for 4 hrs said he was hungry so let's go out at 7,30. Ok I said I will shower and get sorted!!
Got done, went downstairs and out into the evening breeze!! Had a walk along the front, popping into various restaurants etc but none were doing food till 8 or 8,30 and burndt was starving! Lol. Well it was then when we walked around the corner coming to a stop outside a Chinese ,, ooo he said I like a Chinese, so we went in and sat down!! Bonus they were open!!
Menu was bought over but it was in such a bad way I couldn't read it without going dizzy( it was double printed over itself and was all fuzzy) burndt said he fancied duck and pineapple with a spring roll starter, sounded good to me so he ordered and I just doubled it up!!
Spring roll arrived and was devoured! Lovely it was big and fresh and piping hot a good start!! Then the main arrived , Lolol. A plate of duck covered in pineapple with juices from said pineapples and sweet and sour sauce floating it all about and dribbling off the plates arrived in front of each of us,, Looked at it and awaited delivery of rice!! Didn't happen !! Apparently we didn't order any cause burndt said that it didn't have to be ordered seperately ! ( like in the highly efficient state of Germany) apparently!!! By the time we had got rice the whole plate in front of me had turned into some sort of duck soup!! Tried to ressurect it with rice but was a lost cause!! Had a few mouthfuls but wasn't impressed so paid and left!
Got into the first bar of the night and it turned out that more live flamenco was going to start at ten !
Had many rum and cokes and got nicely relaxed, well the entertainment started at about 11 and it was a guy on guitar, a female singer and a male singer, not a dancer in sight ( and I thought flamenco was a dance style)
Well the guy singer introduced everyone in Spanish and then proceeded to tell a story, none of wich I understood but was only being sporadically interrupted by the girl wailing and clapping and stamping her foot to the tune of the guitar !! We I must have missed something cause everybody was clapping and shouting and she was wailing, then he started wailing, then the guitarist started wailing , then a couple in the crowd started wailing. Christ it was weird!!
They all were enjoying it,, I'm afraid me and me mate didn't get it,, and we wanted to leave but we couldn't get out till there was a break or the girl had stopped throwing herself all over the stage area and a few tables, while the bloke was singing in a strange voice at various pitch levels !!
So ten mins later with hearing problems we got out!! We decided that we couldn't understand it so we left it at that ! Walked into a dark bar further along the front wich was buzzing, music, loads of people, mostly blokes , and a massive barman!! Ordered and had a couple of rum and cokes and then some more!! After half an hour longer I needed the loo, but just before I went 3 shot glasses appeared on the bar in front of us and were filled with God knows what?? Barman said something to berndt and we downed the liquid! Lovely and free??
Got to the loo wich was a bit dark and dingy, proceeded to wee and looked up!! Right in front of me was a machine selling anal stimulators for 3 euros each!!! They last for 25 mins as well it said !! I suppose that's not bad value if your into that sort of thing!! Lol. Well then it hit me !!! Christ were in a gay bar!!!
Got to me mate, who was busy fending off the advances of a bloke with a leather fetish and hit the road !!!
Had a laugh about it and got into another bar along the front! This was a younger crowd, music by live dj, lots of selfies being taken and quite obviously it was frequented by the local in-crowd!!
But they were all pretty cool and wanted to chat to the old boys who obviously weren't local and many rum and cokes were drunk!!
Got out about 4 am. Went to hotel , got to rooms and had a laugh about duck soup and the 20 euros burndt was charged in a bar for a few slices of jammon! said good night?
Got into room , and then saw I had a message on my phone!! " My friends not going out tonight Ian, do you want to drink with me at my house? Maria! " timed at 9 30. Well I was a bit gutted then that I had t seen it earlier!! But being hammered I fell onto bed, dreaming of what might have been !!
I could have had a night of drinks, nibbles, cuddles and chuckles but I got. Duck and pineapple soup, weird wailing music, a close escape from the anal vibrator brigade and gangster rap!!! Still this morning we had a laugh and agreed it was a brilliant weekend !!
I hope you all enjoyed yours as much. Hopefully chat tomorrow!!! Xxxxxx Ian.
Pillock !!!
Mitch.
Mitch.
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appydaze
LIFE MEMBER
Soooo......Ian, did one of those anal thingameijigs last 25 minutes ????? 
Last edited:
OP
OP
Soooo......Ian, did one of those anal thingameijigs last 25 minutes ?????
No bloody thing was rubbish !!!
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Pretty sure that's the first time the words 'anal stimulator' have been used on MHF.......I think you got a lucky escape from those nut crackers
Popeye
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Well you are obviously a man of the world now Ian so can I ask your advice on a rather delicate matter. I called into our local surgery and walked into the treatment room.
I had never seen this guy before but he said that he wanted to carry out a digital Prostate examination and I was to lay on my side on this couch with trousers at half mast.
Well it all happened so fast, slight discomfort but all over in less than a minute.
Now for the advice I was asking you for.
................................... Do you think I should switch Dentists?
I had never seen this guy before but he said that he wanted to carry out a digital Prostate examination and I was to lay on my side on this couch with trousers at half mast.
Well it all happened so fast, slight discomfort but all over in less than a minute.
Now for the advice I was asking you for.
................................... Do you think I should switch Dentists?
OP
OP
Well you are obviously a man of the world now Ian so can I ask your advice on a rather delicate matter. I called into our local surgery and walked into the treatment room.
I had never seen this guy before but he said that he wanted to carry out a digital Prostate examination and I was to lay on my side on this couch with trousers at half mast.
Well it all happened so fast, slight discomfort but all over in less than a minute.
Now for the advice I was asking you for.
................................... Do you think I should switch Dentists?
Haha well if your dentists a woman send me her details I need my anal stimulator( 3 euros) removing ! When the guy that inserted it put 2 hands on my shoulders I wondered how he did it. ??????
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Popeye
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Seriously when I had my last Prostate exam the Doctor said and I quote........
" It's not unusual to be slightly aroused by this examination."
I said " I'm not at all aroused."
"No,................................ but I am." said the Doc! 
I fear we are lowering the tone of your otherwise fabulous Blog down to Building site humour.
cheers, Griff
" It's not unusual to be slightly aroused by this examination."
I said " I'm not at all aroused."
"No,................................ but I am." said the Doc!
I fear we are lowering the tone of your otherwise fabulous Blog down to Building site humour.
cheers, Griff
JockandRita
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And after all that Ian, did you get back in touch with Maria to make your excuses, and try to retrieve something from a bad situation?
Cheers,
Jock.
TheBig1
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should have brought it back to the campsite and shoved it up Hega's exhaust. cheaper than a service and tune up
OP
OP
And after all that Ian, did you get back in touch with Maria to make your excuses, and try to retrieve something from a bad situation?
Cheers,
Jock.
Well jock, I do have her number , and I will let her know where I am etc ( google translate is God) but I won't be going back to see her! I won't waste her time promising her things that won't happen, like me sticking round!! And although I like her I certainly don't want to get involved with someone where I can't make a living !!! Xx.
scousebird
LIFE MEMBER
Morning Ian, you're up early today after your adventurous weekend.
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OP
OP
Yes babe, I slept for a bit yesterday when I got back and slept really well last night, I am now enjoying my first mug of tea!!! (The kettle is on for my 2nd and 3rd) And I have a bit to do today!!
OP
OP
Ok. Well a good start to the day!! I was cleaning my helga at the pit stop and while I was away the owners brother( of the site) reversed his 4x4 into my electric and water supply post taking it out !! Lol. Thank god it was t me!! So the maintenance lads on here have run a lead from another box to sort me out!!
That would have been me normally, but I dread to think how much it would have cost me!! Lol. Still all good and there trying to sort it now!!
Met a lovely couple her as well this morning, funsters, who live in France and were concerned for my nuts!! Lol. But all good!!
Now it's raining here so a quiet day in watching films on YouTube I think today.. Tomorrow I will give helga a good going over on the inside!!
Now a question for you!!
I need to get a Hoover for inside here, any recommendations??? Xx.
That would have been me normally, but I dread to think how much it would have cost me!! Lol. Still all good and there trying to sort it now!!
Met a lovely couple her as well this morning, funsters, who live in France and were concerned for my nuts!! Lol. But all good!!
Now it's raining here so a quiet day in watching films on YouTube I think today.. Tomorrow I will give helga a good going over on the inside!!
Now a question for you!!
I need to get a Hoover for inside here, any recommendations??? Xx.
Judge Mental
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whats wrong with a brush and pan
It was good to meet you today Ian, you shouldn't have washed your van though because its raining now. 
You will have to pop down for that cup of yorkshire tea, pitch 139.
I second dustpan and brush.
You will have to pop down for that cup of yorkshire tea, pitch 139.
I second dustpan and brush.
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Rechargeable mini vac like this, does a better job that DP&b, best get one with attachments for Helgas nooks & crannies.
Generally The more you pay, the better it sucks, sounds good heh
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Zigisla
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Are we back to the "Ladies" outside them flower stalls so many pages ago
Puddleduck
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I have a mini-vac and also use a dustpan and brush - the ones with long handles save your back and knees. I take all the carpets out and give them a good shake when possible before using the vac - and sweep the lino floor with brush. I have even been known to use those wet wipe duster things which do a great job. If your back / knees are a bit iffy make a ball of them and use an elastic band to hold them on the "wrong" end of the brush. The bands sold to tie hair into ponytails have a lot of uses
At home I use the powerful vac on the van carpets - again taking them out of the van - and the hose attachment on the home vac gets where it needs to. It's surprising how much dust and crud settles into the cab door pockets.
At home I use the powerful vac on the van carpets - again taking them out of the van - and the hose attachment on the home vac gets where it needs to. It's surprising how much dust and crud settles into the cab door pockets.
I got a Dyson V6 Animal, bloomin expensive, but I had a £250 voucher from work, ended up forking out less than 20 quid cash!
I'm not a Dyson fan at all, or I wasn't, too many dumped at the rubbish tip when I go! But this thing is awesome, man can it suck!!
Ideal for home, stairs (just about to get new carpet) and van.
I'm not a Dyson fan at all, or I wasn't, too many dumped at the rubbish tip when I go! But this thing is awesome, man can it suck!!
Ideal for home, stairs (just about to get new carpet) and van.
We have got a Black and Decker PAD 1200 Flexi Car Vacuum 12v. Cost £35 from Amazon. Works quite well given the price( couldn't bring myself to spend £250 for a Dyson however good it is)
Don't how to put on the link so here's a picture instead!
)Don't how to put on the link so here's a picture instead!
- Oct 5, 2012
- 4,300
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- Funster No
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- Carado T132
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- 5 years, feel free to ask me about the Carado!!
Thing about Dysons is they never did that well in tests I read.....the big USP is that you could see the dust & shit they suck up, but is always there and more apparently in a bag. But fair play to the man, he built an empire on seeing dust and of course cyclone hocus pocus.We have got a Black and Decker PAD 1200 Flexi Car Vacuum 12v. Cost £35 from Amazon. Works quite well given the price( couldn't bring myself to spend £250 for a Dyson however good it is
Don't how to put on the link so here's a picture instead!
View attachment 96222
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