Ian and helga go south !!

Liz. Tell your husband I'm saving that for later!! Lol. Also Liz. He was a bit of a dribbler!! Prostate probs I hope!!
 
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Ha ha I would have had to comment on the little wiener then thrown the washing up water over him!

Liz
 
Ian. Alan (hubby) & I have just laughed out loud about your German taking the p.ss, dirty b'stard. Alan said he'd have pi..ed in his fresh water but of course that would mean having a key to his water inlet and being able to reach said inlet :LOL:
 
Lol reachings no problem babe. I got a 4ft set of steps!! Lol. I presume that's what you meant!! Lol

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It's usually the French men who p*** everywhere and don't care! Now the Germans! Bet you were well cross especially as you had spent all day cleaning Helga!revenge is sweet? Well smelly in you case!! Herman will be keeping his todger in his own van in future!!
 
We where on a site in Catalunya on the river Ebro about 6 year ago and came across a German Washing his toilet cassette out in the shower.
Having called the wife over because I could not believe it she grabbed him by the arm and took him to the Elsan tip and in more than a few words explained where the s**t went and what the hose was for. And you didn't, need hot water to rinse it out.
And he had been staying on that site for 4-6 months a year for several years.
Check before you step out in morning never know what else you might find
 
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I have found. Useful little trick though!!! When there's a queue at the toilet dump and this only works in the afternoon or especially evening (which seems to be popular here ) if you walk towards them all swinging your cassette, staggering a bit, burping And pretending to be a bit pissed they all leap out the way and let you go first, especially if your in the queue and you take the yellow top off outside wobbling about!! Worked a treat for me just now!!
 
ianthebuilder said:
I have found. Useful little trick though!!! When there's a queue at the toilet dump and this only works in the afternoon or especially evening (which seems to be popular here ) if you walk towards them all swinging your cassette, staggering a bit, burping And pretending to be a bit pissed they all leap out the way and let you go first, especially if your in the queue and you take the yellow top off outside wobbling about!! Worked a treat for me just now!!
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You're a quick learner!

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ianthebuilder said:
I have found. Useful little trick though!!! When there's a queue at the toilet dump and this only works in the afternoon or especially evening (which seems to be popular here ) if you walk towards them all swinging your cassette, staggering a bit, burping And pretending to be a bit pissed they all leap out the way and let you go first, especially if your in the queue and you take the yellow top off outside wobbling about!! Worked a treat for me just now!!
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I've been doing this cassette emptying lark for over 25 years Ian, and I've never thought about trying that one on. :eek:

Good on you. :LOL:

Cheers,

Jock. :)
 
Do you know Ian I think you have found the secret, don't take yourself or any one else to serious, it makes for a much more relaxed life. I like it . (y)
 
Not sure benidorm is ready for you........
ianthebuilder said:
Ok I have an update for you all !! About an hour and a half ago, while I was cooking Garlick chicken fillets, pan fried potatoes and Heinz beans I looked out my kitchen window and bugger me a German in the van next to me was having a slash outside my window onto the grass! It was getting dark and I don't think he expected to be seen!! Well I thought bloody cheek pointing that at me and letting go !!!!! I banged on the window and in my best London accent shouted ok fritze do me a favour!! Seeing he'd been rumbled he hurriedly put himself away, raised a damp hand in a weak apology and slid back into his van!!! Well now I thought, I'm not one for tit for tat usually but the more I thought about it the more it wound me up!! I'm on bloody holiday and a bloke is pissing up helga! I'm not having it !! So this is what I have done! ( don't hate me for it) I noticed half an hour ago that he went out, so I have just put my hoses on and emptied my grey waste under his door! I'm afraid it does smell a bit ripe but I couldn't help myself, forgive me I am weak!!!! I wonder if he will say anything to me???? It's all an adventure isn't it ???
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Good on you! Dirty s*d. An adventure for him this time round. If we catch you up in javea Ian in february please don't do that up our van though :eek:
 
never mind the grey water ian, i would have dumped the black under his van,lol, all 50 gallons:):)
 
Right what a day so far!!! Left Denia with coordinates for Benidorm! ( chose no toll roads) All ok so far!! Just leaving Denia ,, straight out of Denia and bugger me if I didn't have to climb Everest, helga was loving it, we went passed Sherpas that were thumbing lifts for Christ sake,, rocks sliding behind me, overhangs threatening to rip the side of helga!! Anyway much arse nipping was done!! Arrived villasol yeah! About 20 mins ago got pitch 140 lead don't reach electric, went to reception, lovely man gave me pitch 144 next to box. So it's pitch fine. Second pitch ,,,, whilst turning from 140 into 144 I have managed to rip the end cap of of helga a awning!! Bloody marvellous,, now I'm going to try to open it to see what damage has been done!! Nice people helped me get out of tree mind you and now damage can be looked at properly !! So I'm at the bottom of villasol, pitch 144 if anybody wants to cry with me. Your welcome!! Ian. Xx.

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ianthebuilder said:
Right what a day so far!!! Left Denia with coordinates for Benidorm! ( chose no toll roads) All ok so far!! Just leaving Denia ,, straight out of Denia and bugger me if I didn't have to climb Everest, helga was loving it, we went passed Sherpas that were thumbing lifts for Christ sake,, rocks sliding behind me, overhangs threatening to rip the side of helga!! Anyway much arse nipping was done!! Arrived villasol yeah! About 20 mins ago got pitch 140 lead don't reach electric, went to reception, lovely man gave me pitch 144 next to box. So it's pitch fine. Second pitch ,,,, whilst turning from 140 into 144 I have managed to rip the end cap of of helga a awning!! Bloody marvellous,, now I'm going to try to open it to see what damage has been done!! Nice people helped me get out of tree mind you and now damage can be looked at properly !! So I'm at the bottom of villasol, pitch 144 if anybody wants to cry with me. Your welcome!! Ian. Xx.
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Oh dear Ian poor Helga . At least you are at Villasol I'm sure you will soon have a lot of Funsters around you to cry with you and help you cheer up a little . Have a great time wished we were there love from us three xxx
 
ianthebuilder said:
Dave. I'm laughing cause my mate had a go at that and he got in all sorts of dramas! Lol. I prefer the Ukrainian women if I was to go that way to be honest!! I may even have a look at Ukraine in helga!! lol. Ian
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I was looking at doing that myself a couple of years back , i had a good look at the dream connections site as that seemed to have some morals , have a good look at that site ian ,they point out the pitfalls ,some ukrainian women are paid to be on the websites of the larger companys and they also air brush the photographs
 
ianthebuilder said:
Ok I have an update for you all !! About an hour and a half ago, while I was cooking Garlick chicken fillets, pan fried potatoes and Heinz beans I looked out my kitchen window and bugger me a German in the van next to me was having a slash outside my window onto the grass! It was getting dark and I don't think he expected to be seen!! Well I thought bloody cheek pointing that at me and letting go !!!!! I banged on the window and in my best London accent shouted ok fritze do me a favour!! Seeing he'd been rumbled he hurriedly put himself away, raised a damp hand in a weak apology and slid back into his van!!! Well now I thought, I'm not one for tit for tat usually but the more I thought about it the more it wound me up!! I'm on bloody holiday and a bloke is pissing up helga! I'm not having it !! So this is what I have done! ( don't hate me for it) I noticed half an hour ago that he went out, so I have just put my hoses on and emptied my grey waste under his door! I'm afraid it does smell a bit ripe but I couldn't help myself, forgive me I am weak!!!! I wonder if he will say anything to me???? It's all an adventure isn't it ???
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I suggest buying a couple of plastic turds from a joke shop and some smelly liquid ,place that on the door step of his van , worth getting the camera out and filming his reaction;)
 
Right. Update!!! Helga I'm afraid hasn't had a great introduction to benidorm !! I think the awning has had it!! I got it open but end totally shot so can't be closed, probably gonna have to cut her off when I leave!! Unless I can unbolt all( havnt Sussed that out yet) and not my fraustration at my own stupidity I have just broken 2 window latches and destroyed a window blind !! Just by being too heavy handed!!! Right the good news is. No lives were lost!! I have a budget to restore her, I am sitting under said awning having a lovely cuppa, sun shining a lot! Oh and the fridge hasnt missed a beat for over 2 weeks!! I am going to ask snowbirds if they know of any caravan/ Motorhome places that are local. I might see if I can get a local bloke to fit a new awning!! Laters all ,, xxx

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learn to relax and kick back a bit now...Sloooooow down mate. I read previously your intention was to stay for 3 days! 3 weeks/3 months more like would be my advice. get down the indoor market and buy a SIM of Andy and stop paying EE bundles! Chill and get yourself sorted generally..

Have you joined the beni snowbirds group yet?

Edit> all parts for awnings can be bought separately so probably repairable. I wreaked one in Italy once in a storm cost 200€ to get repaired..better then £700 for a new one
 
Judge Mental said:
learn to relax and kick back a bit now...Sloooooow down mate. I read previously your intention was to stay for 3 days! 3 weeks/3 months more like would be my advice. get down the indoor market and buy a SIM of Andy and stop paying EE bundles! Chill and get yourself sorted generally..

Have you joined the beni snowbirds group yet?
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Yes judge I did join the group but don't know how to find their thread or forum! I'm having a bad day mate. That's all. Not the end of the world!! And funny enough I am quite chilled just a glitch today I think!! I will get all dramas sorted and I won't rush or panic!! Cheers Eddie point taken ,, again !! Oh I don't know if it's any good but just got a weeks Internet on here for 13 euros at least it's cheaper than ee !!
 
Tincataylor said:
Hi (y)Ian
You will have a laugh in Beni and be sure to look up the Snowbirds at Villasol Campsite - Brisey and Pamelaar will look after you well - good on them :drinks::rock:
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How do I find em all on this forum tinca, I did click to join but can't work out how to access group?
 
Sheddy said:
Had a walk around Villasol about an hour ago, there are still a few empty pitches, so with a bit of luck you should be OK.
Cheers
Ed
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Hello ed ,, how do I find everybody on website that are in Benidorm mate? I'm on villasol and I could do with asking some advice etc!! Cheers Ian. I'm on pitch 144 down the bottom by the road !!

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Oh dear Ian, sorry to read you are having a bad day, I think we have all caught something high with our motorhomes when we were starting out, you soon learn to have a recce before you drive in.

If your awning is anything like mine it will have some scores underneath which secure it to a rail that the awning rests on. Remove the screws, but definitely have someone there to help you - they are HEAVY - lift it off and once on the ground you can have a look at the damage. As someone else has said you can buy the bits seperately so hopefully it is repairable.

Mike
 
Judge Mental said:
learn to relax and kick back a bit now...Sloooooow down mate. I read previously your intention was to stay for 3 days! 3 weeks/3 months more like would be my advice. get down the indoor market and buy a SIM of Andy and stop paying EE bundles! Chill and get yourself sorted generally..

Have you joined the beni snowbirds group yet?

Edit> all parts for awnings can be bought separately so probably repairable. I wreaked one in Italy once in a storm cost 200€ to get repaired..better then £700 for a new one
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Didn't know they could be fixed judge. That's a handy bit of knowledge cheers, and I will get down to sort Internet out now. I think I may be here for a few weeks. Funnily enough I quite like the vibe!! Helga hates it but I will change her mind!! Lol
 
& there was a hymer dealer up towards me on my side of Murcia city that keeps window catches & stuff like that .Used him before for a mate who broke his.

Caravanas Murcia in Las Torres de Costillas.& yes everything is available for awnings.

There is also a Hymer dealer in Alicante . Caravanas Cruz
 
Judge Mental said:
snowbirds group

Broken Link Removed
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Judge. Just had a visit from ed ( sheddy) real gent. Put me right on a camping shop for straps pegs etc and said there are a couple of places I could get parts for awning and someone to do it!! Awesome.

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