Ian and helga go south !!

TheBig1 said:
buy a water pistol. every time the dog barks squirt it in the face. after the first few times, all you need to do is show the dog the pistol. if that doesnt work, put a bit of gravel in an empty plastic bottle. when the dog barks shake the bottle near the dog
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Tell you what I could do!!!! I could run over every time the dog barks and whip my shorts down in front of the Spanish every time he barks!! Do you think they stop him then?? Lol
 
ianthebuilder said:
Tell you what I could do!!!! I could run over every time the dog barks and whip my shorts down in front of the Spanish every time he barks!! Do you think they stop him then?? Lol
Click to expand...
the dog would put his cold nose on your balls if you did that.....takes all sorts to make the world, so whatever floats your boat ian
 
it could be worse.....when the kids start playing football next to the £x-xx,xxx vans, I told a couple of Spanish parents to get their kids to cease and desist.....
 
campa cola said:
it could be worse.....when the kids start playing football next to the £x-xx,xxx vans, I told a couple of Spanish parents to get their kids to cease and desist.....
Click to expand...

I said the same to a family from another European country when they started to use our van as one of the goal posts.
 
You should have gone back to Villasol Ian, no dogs allowed (y)

Mind you the trees are a pain in the arris :whistle:
 
Well good morning,,,

I have been up for about half an hour now , and the clock here says 5.21 am....

As you can guess I didn't have a heavy night!!! In fact I had no night at all !!!

I made myself a dinner of jacket potatoe, chicken fillets in breadcrumbs, and good old Heinz baked beans, sat and ate it, it was thouroghly enjoyable, washed up pots and plates, made myself a lovely cuppa and sat down to relax and digest !!

Well, the next thing I know it's 1,30 am and I wake up to find that I caught too much sun while cleaning helga on my shoulder blades and lower back !! ( the kidney area to be precise) I didn't feel like I had been burnt when I had a shower but the captains chair I sit in by my table is lovely and comfortable but has a really quite hard wearing material covering it,, in fact at 1,30 this morning I could swear it was upholstered with grade 4 sandpaper!!!!!

Well I got to the bathroom, grabbed my johnsonns baby lotion ( yes ok!) and proceeded to smother my shoulder blades and sides in it, I swear it was boiling up as I applied!!

I then decided that I would try and get some sleep in a proper( such as it is) bed !!!

Got undressed and then proceeded to climb the ladder,,,, now about the ladder!!!!

I have had a previous run in with this ladder and I must admit, it's not my favourite bit of kit in helga,,,, I find that the small narrow steps can be uncomfortable to climb, in bare feet, I had the idea a week or so ago to clad the steps in a foam or similar!!

I cycled to the Chinese shoo, just up the road and had a look for some foam pipe laggin,, that would be perfect I thought at the time,, well I was amazed!!! It must have been the only thing the bloody shop didn't stock !!

Now being quite a practical bloke I was looking for a substitute and came across a foam tube that they use as a swimming aid,, in a rather fetching blue!! Bingo, that should do the trick, I was well pleased,, bought it, put it in rucksack and cycled back ( in fact I could have done a passable impression of a Manchester tram ).

I proceeded to measure the width of the steps and realised I could get 3 rings from the length of foam, lovely, first 3 steps will be fine ,,

So I cut to length, then split to the middle along 1 side,, got the duck tape out and proceeded to wrap tape around foam that was covering step , now the foam is completely around the step and the tape is completely around foam, ( in fact you can't see the foam at all) ,,

I took a step onto the ladder and my foot sunk into the foam and it was quite comfortable,, lovely I said to myself !!

So now I have a ladder with the second and third step covered in this so called padding, it was such a pain to hold the ladder and try to tape stuff on, I only did the second and third step, ( I don't bother treading on the first one) ,

So back to this morning,,,

I git undressed, applied more cream and proceeded to climb into bed,

Got on ladder( second step) and lifted myself up, put foot on third step as I leant foreward to collapse into a nice warm bed,,and my foot slipped off the rung of ladder and I slip down to second rung, no injuries , that's ok I said, a bit shocked( it was like stepping off a kerb you havnt seen! ) well bugger me if the second rung foam didn't start turning round the step , slowly, and I had all my weight on the one leg!! It turned completely and my foot slipped down to the bottom rung wich is only a thin piece of wood,

My other leg then caught up with my brain and I tried to put it on the second stap,, well that too made the foam twist and I shit to the floor rattling my shin against bottom step,, Agony for 10 secs!!

When I thought about it, I realised I had covered the step completely in the round foam thingy and taped the foam together only,, none of the tape was stuck to a fixed point, and over the past week it must have stretched a bit!!

Anyway, bruised shin, sunburn, no night out, and not much sleep sees me posting this at this rediculous time of the morning !!

But at least I have no hangover!!! Have a good morning,, chat later. Xxxxx

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ianthebuilder said:
Well good morning,,,

I have been up for about half an hour now , and the clock here says 5.21 am....

As you can guess I didn't have a heavy night!!! In fact I had no night at all !!!

I made myself a dinner of jacket potatoe, chicken fillets in breadcrumbs, and good old Heinz baked beans, sat and ate it, it was thouroghly enjoyable, washed up pots and plates, made myself a lovely cuppa and sat down to relax and digest !!

Well, the next thing I know it's 1,30 am and I wake up to find that I caught too much sun while cleaning helga on my shoulder blades and lower back !! ( the kidney area to be precise) I didn't feel like I had been burnt when I had a shower but the captains chair I sit in by my table is lovely and comfortable but has a really quite hard wearing material covering it,, in fact at 1,30 this morning I could swear it was upholstered with grade 4 sandpaper!!!!!

Well I got to the bathroom, grabbed my johnsonns baby lotion ( yes ok!) and proceeded to smother my shoulder blades and sides in it, I swear it was boiling up as I applied!!

I then decided that I would try and get some sleep in a proper( such as it is) bed !!!

Got undressed and then proceeded to climb the ladder,,,, now about the ladder!!!!

I have had a previous run in with this ladder and I must admit, it's not my favourite bit of kit in helga,,,, I find that the small narrow steps can be uncomfortable to climb, in bare feet, I had the idea a week or so ago to clad the steps in a foam or similar!!

I cycled to the Chinese shoo, just up the road and had a look for some foam pipe laggin,, that would be perfect I thought at the time,, well I was amazed!!! It must have been the only thing the bloody shop didn't stock !!

Now being quite a practical bloke I was looking for a substitute and came across a foam tube that they use as a swimming aid,, in a rather fetching blue!! Bingo, that should do the trick, I was well pleased,, bought it, put it in rucksack and cycled back ( in fact I could have done a passable impression of a Manchester tram ).

I proceeded to measure the width of the steps and realised I could get 3 rings from the length of foam, lovely, first 3 steps will be fine ,,

So I cut to length, then split to the middle along 1 side,, got the duck tape out and proceeded to wrap tape around foam that was covering step , now the foam is completely around the step and the tape is completely around foam, ( in fact you can't see the foam at all) ,,

I took a step onto the ladder and my foot sunk into the foam and it was quite comfortable,, lovely I said to myself !!

So now I have a ladder with the second and third step covered in this so called padding, it was such a pain to hold the ladder and try to tape stuff on, I only did the second and third step, ( I don't bother treading on the first one) ,

So back to this morning,,,

I git undressed, applied more cream and proceeded to climb into bed,

Got on ladder( second step) and lifted myself up, put foot on third step as I leant foreward to collapse into a nice warm bed,,and my foot slipped off the rung of ladder and I slip down to second rung, no injuries , that's ok I said, a bit shocked( it was like stepping off a kerb you havnt seen! ) well bugger me if the second rung foam didn't start turning round the step , slowly, and I had all my weight on the one leg!! It turned completely and my foot slipped down to the bottom rung wich is only a thin piece of wood,

My other leg then caught up with my brain and I tried to put it on the second stap,, well that too made the foam twist and I shit to the floor rattling my shin against bottom step,, Agony for 10 secs!!

When I thought about it, I realised I had covered the step completely in the round foam thingy and taped the foam together only,, none of the tape was stuck to a fixed point, and over the past week it must have stretched a bit!!

Anyway, bruised shin, sunburn, no night out, and not much sleep sees me posting this at this rediculous time of the morning !!

But at least I have no hangover!!! Have a good morning,, chat later. Xxxxx
Click to expand...
What has happened to the young lady you met there?
 
Morning Jim Bob....:rofl:

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Beautiful one here in uttoxeter, frosty but bright sun , not a cloud in the sky(y)
 
Just got back from my morning bike ride up Epsom Downs. Beautiful bright crisp day. :)

Rob
 
Good afternoon,,

I have clean the cab area, lovely and I took the material off from round the bed as well, washed it, put it back on ( very awkward) but looks lovely and clean now!!

Put a bit of foam on the bottom step, in case of any further slippages!!

I'm afraid to say it's so hot here today, I'm sitting inside helga( so I don't add to my burns!) with the air con on, and it's the first time I have tried it, cor it's lovely!!

Just had a cool shower and now looking forward to a late lunch, a nice beef roast, if I can get one!!

Might try and have an hours kip now first, I'm a bit tired! Lol.

So I will chill out and try not to get burnt!! Chat later,, xxxxx
 
You and your spinning steps !!
You will be like a bloody hamster with your legs flying like pistons and going no-where...
What an image !!!
Balls swinging, just waiting to hook onto the top of the ladder rails....
I won't sleep tonight now... Aaaaaaarg !!!!!
Have fun matey.
Mitch. x.

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Hi. Just got back from Spain. It's cold here in Ashbourne. Seems a lifetime ago since we were having a beer in Pulpi. Where are you now. Still living it up I see
 
MikeandKath said:
Hi. Just got back from Spain. It's cold here in Ashbourne. Seems a lifetime ago since we were having a beer in Pulpi. Where are you now. Still living it up I see
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In Benidorm Mike,, coming home in about 2 weeks ( wherever home is) ,,,,

Ferry booked from Dunkirk on 29th. But I think Gus was right,, I got a flexi ticket and can travel 72 hrs either side of 29 th,,,, How did you enjoy your holiday overall ?? X
 
Hi. Really good trip. Went as far as Mojacar. Away for 85 days - half of those wild camping. No major issues at all and only got moved on once due to others pushing their luck putting chairs and tables out in an site. The police quote was this camping not parking so he gave us till morning to move. Called at Normandy on way back to see landing beaches Free parking at Arromanches. Well worth a visit.
Mike
 
Morning Ian....

Morning all.........

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