Tam & co the great winter escape

Northernraider said:
I already do all that , with limited success.

Its unfortunately a constant state of 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Yesterday and today have not been good days.

As much as it upsets me and i really hate to give up on her i think im losing the battle. And both jade and milo are suffering as a result.

So i think its got to the stage where i have to start looking for a new owner for her.
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Is anyone going to Greece to take her back to where she was happy, running wild in the sun.
Sorry tam but this has been my feelings from day one but kept quiet hoping you would succeed.
 
chaser said:
Is anyone going to Greece to take her back to where she was happy, running wild in the sun.
Sorry tam but this has been my feelings from day one but kept quiet hoping you would succeed.
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Honestly charlie comments like this are not helpful.


No one knows whether she was happy in greece where she constantly had to beg for food , had no vaccines , was in constant danger of being injured or killed etc.

And I'm not in the mood to argue about it.

At present its becoming a case of choosing ela or my elderly mother.

She isn't a bad dog she just needs more 1 on 1 than i can provide.

Im confident i can find her a loving home where she will thrive and be happy. Shes a lovely dog and everyone thats met her has thought so.

I don't regret rescuing her for 1 second. She will have a far better life than she would on a beach fending for herself.
 
chaser said:
Is anyone going to Greece to take her back to where she was happy, running wild in the sun.
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How on earth do you know that :doh:
Cold at night, hungry, lonely, stressed, fear of being attacked, rape, injury and or disease.
Yes, a dog's life.
 
Northernraider said:
Honestly charlie comments like this are not helpful.


No one knows whether she was happy in greece where she constantly had to beg for food , had no vaccines , was in constant danger of being injured or killed etc.

And I'm not in the mood to argue about it.

At present its becoming a case of choosing ela or my elderly mother.

She isn't a bad dog she just needs more 1 on 1 than i can provide.

Im confident i can find her a loving home where she will thrive and be happy. Shes a lovely dog and everyone thats met her has thought so.

I don't regret rescuing her for 1 second. She will have a far better life than she would on a beach fending for herself.
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Well said. I think she needs to be the only dog in someone's life where she can have one to one care. It is so sad for you but you have to think of your mother and Jade and Milo. You did your best and well done you for rescuing her:h:
 
It’s her first time living in a house as she thought all dogs lived on the beach and ended up living in tams van. As you said it will take time she didn’t go though the normal puppy leaving it’s mum and going to a house.

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Tam, I'm gonna be totally honest ... you are expecting too much too soon from Ela.

You've only been home for a short time and Ela's having to deal with it all on top of everything else that she's gone through and experienced in just a few months. Many dogs would still be cowering whereas she's been snuggling up to you, THAT is real progress believe me! You should be very proud of both her and yourself for passing that milestone as it doesn't come easy.

Our Minky has loads of attention and loves our other doggies but we still haven't got her trained. It didn't help with us having to leave her for hours on end when younger due to the demand which my mum placed on us but even so she's had lots of love etc to make up for it and is still a pain a lot of the time as she will just ignore us.

Jade and Mili aren't suffering, they may not be as 'spoiled' as they've been used to or getting as much attention but that's only a short term thing, they've accepted Ela which is what's important and in no time you'll wonder what the issue was.

I've had plenty of dogs with problems and they've all come round, it's surprising how it just seems to happen when you least expect it, you'll suddenly realise that the issues have stopped or lessened a lot and wonder what magic has been performed to sort them. We had one dog who dug up the floor in the kitchen, rolled around in Artex powder and spread it all over, could get on worktops to steal food etc, another tried to dig her way out of the dogs' bedroom via the wall, these were just the tip of the icebergs we had with them but they were resolved and we never regretted having them ... got frustrated etc, yes of course, but loved them to bits.

If I was in your situation, with you needing your own 'home', I'd be very tempted to do as you've suggested already, ie get yourself another MH then you can take yourself off in the UK for a while and just concentrate on you and your furry family. If after doing that you still have major doubts about Ela then at least you'll be in a more relaxed frame of mind to make a decision without having to deal with your mum, the van etc at the same time.

Agony Aunt Mel signing off 😊
 
Minxy
What you say is right Mel, but Tam can't just go swanning off, he needs to accumulate more money to support his lifestyle and tbe dogs
Remember also Tam is a comparitively new dog keeper and Ela won't be easy in anyone's book.
Let us all just support Tam and Ela in any way we can and trust him to make the right decision.
 
Minxy said:
Tam, I'm gonna be totally honest ... you are expecting too much too soon from Ela.

You've only been home for a short time and Ela's having to deal with it all on top of everything else that she's gone through and experienced in just a few months. Many dogs would still be cowering whereas she's been snuggling up to you, THAT is real progress believe me! You should be very proud of both her and yourself for passing that milestone as it doesn't come easy.

Our Minky has loads of attention and loves our other doggies but we still haven't got her trained. It didn't help with us having to leave her for hours on end when younger due to the demand which my mum placed on us but even so she's had lots of love etc to make up for it and is still a pain a lot of the time as she will just ignore us.

Jade and Mili aren't suffering, they may not be as 'spoiled' as they've been used to or getting as much attention but that's only a short term thing, they've accepted Ela which is what's important and in no time you'll wonder what the issue was.

I've had plenty of dogs with problems and they've all come round, it's surprising how it just seems to happen when you least expect it, you'll suddenly realise that the issues have stopped or lessened a lot and wonder what magic has been performed to sort them. We had one dog who dug up the floor in the kitchen, rolled around in Artex powder and spread it all over, could get on worktops to steal food etc, another tried to dig her way out of the dogs' bedroom via the wall, these were just the tip of the icebergs we had with them but they were resolved and we never regretted having them ... got frustrated etc, yes of course, but loved them to bits.

If I was in your situation, with you needing your own 'home', I'd be very tempted to do as you've suggested already, ie get yourself another MH then you can take yourself off in the UK for a while and just concentrate on you and your furry family. If after doing that you still have major doubts about Ela then at least you'll be in a more relaxed frame of mind to make a decision without having to deal with your mum, the van etc at the same time.

Agony Aunt Mel signing off 😊
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Minxy said:
Tam, I'm gonna be totally honest ... you are expecting too much too soon from Ela.

You've only been home for a short time and Ela's having to deal with it all on top of everything else that she's gone through and experienced in just a few months. Many dogs would still be cowering whereas she's been snuggling up to you, THAT is real progress believe me! You should be very proud of both her and yourself for passing that milestone as it doesn't come easy.

Our Minky has loads of attention and loves our other doggies but we still haven't got her trained. It didn't help with us having to leave her for hours on end when younger due to the demand which my mum placed on us but even so she's had lots of love etc to make up for it and is still a pain a lot of the time as she will just ignore us.

Jade and Mili aren't suffering, they may not be as 'spoiled' as they've been used to or getting as much attention but that's only a short term thing, they've accepted Ela which is what's important and in no time you'll wonder what the issue was.

I've had plenty of dogs with problems and they've all come round, it's surprising how it just seems to happen when you least expect it, you'll suddenly realise that the issues have stopped or lessened a lot and wonder what magic has been performed to sort them. We had one dog who dug up the floor in the kitchen, rolled around in Artex powder and spread it all over, could get on worktops to steal food etc, another tried to dig her way out of the dogs' bedroom via the wall, these were just the tip of the icebergs we had with them but they were resolved and we never regretted having them ... got frustrated etc, yes of course, but loved them to bits.

If I was in your situation, with you needing your own 'home', I'd be very tempted to do as you've suggested already, ie get yourself another MH then you can take yourself off in the UK for a while and just concentrate on you and your furry family. If after doing that you still have major doubts about Ela then at least you'll be in a more relaxed frame of mind to make a decision without having to deal with your mum, the van etc at the same time.

Agony Aunt Mel signing off 😊
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Its not a case of expecting too much its a case of i cant physically give her the time required. There is no quick fix and i am not in a situation where i can force my mother to tolerate her. This isn't a decision ive made in the heat of the moment but when i am here in the uk i need to work and i need to stay here at mums. I currently have no transport. Im living in the caravan and relying on mum for a place to stay . I can't work on the vario because mum refuses to look after the dogs because she can't handle ela, i can't expect her to put up with the things ela is doing, we have been arguing for the last week and im on the verge of being told to leave. I can't simply go pick any motorhome and attempt to live in it fulltime anywhere in the uk .

Jade and Milo are being affected because i can't give them any 1 to 1 attention without ela forcing her way in. Jade hasn't eaten in 3 days and Milo is going and hiding when mum rattles her stick and shouts at ela.

It isn't a position i enjoy being in and not one i imagined happening.
She needs someone with time , patience and possibly no other dogs to give her 1 on 1 attention all the time.

Mum has completely given up on her , she shoos her away and is constantly telling her off which is putting ela back in her confidence.

As i said it isn't an easy decision but i believe its the best one for elas sake.

If i could afford to just up and leave believe me i would because right now im stressed and irritable because nothing i do is right.

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Why not let your mum look after the other two dogs whilst you sleep in the drive with Ella?
.I'm not sure if you have a usable MH / caravan ATM?

That way you get some space from your mum, Ella gets the attention she needs?
 
Jamesh said:
Why not let your mum look after the other two dogs whilst you sleep in the drive with Ella?
.I'm not sure if you have a usable MH / caravan ATM?

That way you get some space from your mum, Ella gets the attention she needs?
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All the dogs live in the caravan with me, i don't stay in the house ever. they are only in the house with mum for a few hours during the day ... And at the minute im mostly there with them. Mum will usually have the dogs in the house with her through the day while i worked on the Vario. And when i worked in the evening they were in the caravan. Leaving the other 2 with mum and just spending time with ela is not fair on my other 2 dogs.
 
Northernraider said:
All the dogs live in the caravan with me, i don't stay in the house ever. they are only in the house with mum for a few hours during the day ... And at the minute im mostly there with them. Mum will usually have the dogs in the house with her through the day while i worked on the Vario. And when i worked in the evening they were in the caravan. Leaving the other 2 with mum and just spending time with ela is not fair on my other 2 dogs.
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Fair enough I don't sleep in my parents house when I visit!!! I Like my own space too much!!

I'm sure you will do the right thing for you all. It's not easy. Even a breeder brought puppy has its issues!
 
I have always been someone who starts off with the best intentions but somehow life likes to kick me while im down.
I chose this life to be stress free and a better balance of work and life. Somehow i seem to have got myself in a situation where im more stressed than i was before. I think at the moment ive taken on more than i can handle between the vario build and having another dog and its created a perfect storm thats left me in quite a vulnerable position. Something has to give.

Thats why ive started to think about not doing the vario and just buying a decent motorhome again that i can live in. That would free up my days again but i would still have to work 3 or 4 evening's a week.

I have an interested party from here who may be interested in taking on the vario , i won't name him as thats his decision to reveal or not should that go ahead.

But even then i still have mixed feelings about what's best for ela. I love her to bits and i want whats best for her even if that's not me. I don't understand why she's playing up while in mums but mums acting like a stroppy teenager and going in the huff etc is not helping.

But the last thing i need is for her to tell me to leave and get my van and caravan out her drive. Then i would be in dire straits.

And as an added kick in the teeth my car purchase has fallen through and ive lost my train ticket fare and now have to cancel the insurance id taken out .... and im still carless 🤦‍♂️


Im off to bed before the day gets any worse
 
Northernraider Tam, I’ve just been catching up on here and am sorry to hear about everything, it never rains but what it pours. One step at a time, with the first step probably being Ela as sad as it will be for you If you decide to give her up.
You can then try and get your head around what to do about the vans and caravan. Personally I loved the Hobby 700 it looked very comfortable and roomy.
I hope the morning will find you have got things more clearer in your head and you feel better.
 
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Val 3 dogs said:
Minxy
What you say is right Mel, but Tam can't just go swanning off, he needs to accumulate more money to support his lifestyle and tbe dogs
Remember also Tam is a comparitively new dog keeper and Ela won't be easy in anyone's book.
Let us all just support Tam and Ela in any way we can and trust him to make the right decision.
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That’s the case , so maybe there is someone with a lot of patience, experience and time who can kindly offer to take ela in over the summer to train her, and then give her back in the autumn when Tam set off to travel again ? That would be a fabulous solution

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Hi Tam, I understand your position and mindset. What gets me through is that I take time to consider what to do for the best and then stick to it best I can. So, before I even start I know I will look back and be comfortable with those choices I made. You are wise enough to make the correct choices, so don't have a confidence blip pal
 
Dutch 68 said:
That’s the case , so maybe there is someone with a lot of patience, experience and time who can kindly offer to take ela in over the summer to train her, and then give her back in the autumn when Tam set off to travel again ? That would be a fabulous solution
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It would be a fabulous solution. But its a long shot. People get attached to dogs and don't like to give them back. Happened with us once when i was working away. Asked a friend to look after our dog for 6 months while we got organised. Didn't want to give her back
 
Had a decent sleep and i hoped id have a clearer head this morning but i don't.
Waking up with my 3 pups all cuddled in and ela looking at me with her big brown eyes full of love does not help me make a rational decision. She acts like butter wouldn't melt at times and the next she just wont listen to a word.

Ive clearly a lot of thinking to do
 
Forgive me if I’m wrong but it seems that the underlying problem is the relationship between your mum (bless her) and Ela. Is it fair to say if your mum was more tolerant of Ela you’d be more relaxed, less stressed and not necessarily thinking about finding Ela a new home? Understandable that your mum is feeling the strain but she might also be part of the solution. If you haven’t already is it worth opening up to your mum, tell how you are feeling and ask her for help? A more relaxed and happy home might be what’s needed. The garden will grow again and you’ll soon forget about any other problems. I apologise in advance if I’ve crossed a line with this post.

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Minxy Tam doesn't have what many of us have to help us get through the difficult times and that is a partner. Your comment was littered with 'we'. Not knocking you at all but it makes a huge difference to have someone to share the burden.
Tam I feel for you. I (single mum at the time) adopted a beautiful retriever from the RSPCA, 18 months old, very well trained. I had a slightly older mongrel also. Every time they were left alone (I worked part time) he chewed things including new carpet, staircase etc. I couldn't afford to repair/replace. Wish crates were more of a thing then! One day I stood in a field watching them play with tears streaming down my face because I'd decided he had to go. I kept him :cool: couldn't do it. He grew out of it and lived to 18 leaving us with so many wonderful memories.
Can only wish you well, whichever decision you make.
Karen
 
Do feel for you Northernraider not a good position to be in, can understand your mum, too she too is vying for your attention after you being away so long, not surprising she and the beautiful Ela clash. Not that that helps you any. Good luck and hugs whatever you decide.
 
Tam. I have followed all your posts from day 1 although I may not agree with your thoughts at time. It is evident you are a kind and compassionate person. You have mentioned living a simple life, unfortunately I don’t believe their is such a thing. You have to go with your gut, whatever is right for you. Best of luck whatever you do and sadly you will not please everyone.
 
Sell the vario
Sell the caravan
Buy a motorhome big enough for you and three dogs
Move away from mums drive but still stay in contact
Enjoy life, you have money
(y)

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