Tam n pups winter trip 2022

[StephandJohn]

It is so hard, particularly in the very early stages. Just be kind to yourself and don't expect for anything to feel, or be, 'normal'. You've entered and strange, new and uncomfortable world which will take some getting used to so wallow if you have to, be busy some of the time if it helps. I found that all I could do was 'exist' a lot of the time.
Sorry about Will too but maybe if he couldn't cope with the situation before he'd just let you down now when you need support most.
Hope you and your brother and sister can get along and support each other enough for the moment.

 

[Gina M]

Good idea to get back to work Tam. I am so sorry your relationship ended but it would have been worse if he had stayed with you out of pity you would have felt even worse I think. Take care and remember we are all here for you.

 

[Northernraider]

It’s good to be busy and good to talk. Don’t bottle it all up. And don’t be scared to shed a tear, big boys do cry.

All I've done is cry lol... I cried when I was going to sleep and I woke up feckin crying , my stomach and chest is sore from crying. Stupid stuff sets me off all the time.

And I know it will get better , it's just normal I guess.

But things like I can't remember what the last thing my mum said to me ..

the last words she actually said was yesterday morning when she was in pain and trying to get out the bed " help me mammy"


But that wasn't to me , that was just her shouting out because she was anxious and sore.


But I can't remember her words to me , when she knew I was there. It's just one of the stupid wee things that eats at you.

 

[Northernraider]

That aside though I spent a wee while at the cemetery , it's very peaceful , and the plot my mum picked for my dad turned out to be really nice now the trees have matured around it. And there's space either side that will never have a stone because they are drainage channels...so it doesn't look crammed . The headstone has also kept very well compared to others. It's hard to believe it's been 23 years . My sister wanted a photo because mum has left instructions what she wants written on it for her so we want to also get that booked as there's a long waiting list to get it done.

If the solicitor tells us it's going to be a few months before the house can be sold etc I think I'm going to head off somewhere warmer for a few months after the funeral. It seems silly to stay here and freeze if nothing can be done .

I never liked winter and Christmas here before and I can only imagine this year would be absolutely hellish.

The camper still needs some jobs doing to it however , the cab heating doesn't work , I've still no reverse camera , few jobs needing done on the inside too and I'd like the cambelt changed and it serviced . Once I give my arse a kick in to gear this week I'll get back on to doing bits and pieces. I just can't motivate myself yet but I think once I've got back in to a routine of work etc that'll come

 

[StephandJohn]

It's good to make plans. Something to look forward to when things aren't quite so raw.
That plot in the cometary is beautiful. The words on the headstone are special too. Shows how much he was loved. Makes me feel tearful.

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[jumartoo]

Tam, it's going to take time for you to heal. Don't try to rush things. Don't try to remember things you can't. Remember all the things you can, that were good times in your life.

Remember and savour those times, and then look forward.

 

[Four of us]

Tam, this is very early days and your emotions will be all over the place. Be kind to yourself. From my recent experience it will take at least 6 months to get everything sorted but your solicitor will guide you. So probably a good idea to head off to get some sun, maybe to somewhere you have been before and like? So when you feel up to it, make a list of jobs needing done and just do them as and when you feel up to it. I sometimes think the old idea of wearing mourning clothes for a year was a good idea, it showed others that you were in a precarious emotional state.

Try and concentrate on the strong relationship you had with your Mum and how you were there for her. No need for regrets which is much more than many can say.. xx

 

[Figaro]

Condolences to you and all your family Tam.

 

[Northernraider]

I remembered mum's last words to me.


It was on Thursday lunchtime...

I was greeting while giving her a cuddle.

She said "stop sniffing"

 

[Carol]

I remembered mum's last words to me.


It was on Thursday lunchtime...

I was greeting while giving her a cuddle.

She said "stop sniffing"

And one of your mum's last clear memories will be of you giving her a cuddle, couldn't ask better for a last memory.

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[StephandJohn]

Thanks for sharing her last words to you. Sounds like a typical Mum's words to her child. We are never really grown up in our parents eyes

 

[Northernraider]

 

[Tiny]

Very appropriate Tam, sincere condolences

 

[Northernraider]

Thanks for sharing her last words to you. Sounds like a typical Mum's words to her child. We are never really grown up in our parents eyes

Aye

I don't know who's going to correct us all now for bad grammar.


I never did nothing

Would get a " you never did anything " response lol.


And she absolutely hated phrases like ...passed away or fell asleep etc or to say you lost someone

It was just dead in my mums book lol

So her obituary for the local paper has been refused as we are not allowed to say she died for some bizarre reason .

 

[Just smiffy]

I remembered mum's last words to me.


It was on Thursday lunchtime...

I was greeting while giving her a cuddle.

She said "stop sniffing"

Are you sure it wasn’t “stop sniffing Thomas”..

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[Jane And Rog]

All my biggest hugs to you Tam, especially as my father has been in palliative care for two weeks now. And even though he has had a long life, and lately it has been painful in many ways, I know how much it still hurts like hell.

 

[Lenny HB]

So her obituary for the local paper has been refused as we are not allowed to say she died for some bizarre reason

That is rediculas why else would you be putting an obituary notice.

 

[Northernraider]

That is rediculas why else would you be putting an obituary notice.

Yep

 

[StephandJohn]

Hope you have a better night tonight Tam. Night all.

 

[Gina M]

Had a rotten night... couldn't sleep much , I can't really describe myself how I feel just now ..looking at stuff online this is pretty close View attachment 816104 It's weird how the world just goes on and it seems to be unnoticed, I feel like I need a badge that says I'm in pain ..be kind. I can't sit around doing nothing so I'm trying to just do stuff as normal but even walking the dogs it's like I'm not there , in the garage getting 2 tyres on my car at the minute as the front ones have been bald for weeks now, I'm going back to work tonight as otherwise I'm just sitting on my own thinking about stuff.


I'm annoyed at will as his timing to end things is really shit , but at the aame time I think he wasn't the person I thought he was when he bailed at the first sign of things not going smooth.


I feel like I'm carrying a slab of concrete in my chest and the slightest thing has me tearing up.

Funeral is likely to be at least 3 weeks away which is also crap , I feel ill only be starting to pull myself together by then only to have the wound re opened.


I'm going to go visit my dad's grave when I leave the garage as I've not been in a while and that's where mum's going too.


I just hate the thought of her in that funeral parlour for 3 weeks .

We have an appointment on Tuesday to go make the arrangements.

That is a beautiful quote you found Tam and it is exactly how I feel not just since my mum died but also my dog.

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[Go_buddy_go_]

My daughter is an artist and this is one of her card designs… I think the sentiment is spot on

 

[Freo]

Sincere condolences to you and your family, Tam.

 

[StephandJohn]

Was Just wondering how you are Tam. Probably a silly question but I know everyone is thinking of you.

 

[corconx]

Tam thinking of you. Just spent last hour reading up since last Wednesday! for some reason no emails arrived. However I’ve just lived through it with you and can only say I’m thinking of you and your sister, as you will both be in that unknown space called grieving and hurting.

please go take your dogs out for a long walk, as I expect they are aware of the sadness too. The graveyard is beautiful and will be a place for you to visit, whether you buy the house or not, that’s where your mum and dad will be.

sending the biggest hug from Cornwall to Scotland I can to envelope you


. Late but well meant

Carol

 

[G-RMPS]

Belated condolences, Tam. Been off-the_internet for a couple of days.

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[MajesticBee]

Condolences Tam. Keep busy, it helps.

 

[Northernraider]

In some ways I hate the modern world , why have they made everything so complicated and in personal.

Tried to register mums death this morning, registrars office won't let you in without an appointment, phone for an appointment and you're directed to use online service. You then have to create, and verify an account. That takes at least 20 minutes to do. You then get an option to make an appointment or apply online.

Applying online takes 15 days.

Solicitor will not see us without a death certificate, will not give us an answer as to whether probate etc is required or not.


Everything is just so bloody complicated.


One of mum's wishes was for me to apply and finalise my divorce as although separated 19 years I never got divorced as no intention to ever re marry.
So I've applied for that online , takes 2 weeks and costs £15 , which is fair enough as no desperate rush for that.

Have appointment for 1.30 now at registrars to try and get death certificate.


I pity anyone who isn't at least slightly computer literate these days as the world has just gone shitty.

I actually prefer face to face contact than filling out forms and creating accounts I'll most likely never use again or if I need to ill have forgotten the details .

I need plans in my life so I have goals etc , I hate not being able to organise and plan and at the minute I'm in limbo and it just adds stress.

 

[Devon Sue]

Northernraider Tam, when my mum and also mum in law died we had to get a green certificate of death from the certifying doctor before going to register the death. That was in England though, it may be different in Scotland.

 

[Bognor Saint]

Having one certificate may not be enough as parties want originals and not copies. Extra copies are expensive but save a lot of hassle. I think I ended up with about 6-8 for my parents.

 

[Northernraider]

Northernraider Tam, when my mum and also mum in law died we had to get a green certificate of death from the certifying doctor before going to register the death. That was in England though, it may be different in Scotland.

Yeah we have a certificate from doctor

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