Life gets in the way

[Jewellbags]

By way of an update the FIL has rallied a bit and the careers seem happy to look after him whilst we are in our trip - those NHS ladies are worth their weight in gold . So 10 day countdown and then we’re off .

 

[john prince]

Since 2019 when we bought our beloved motorhome we (and everyone else) had the pandemic , a mother in law was diagnosed and then pass away with cancer . A son move to Italy , a daughter break up from her husband and get divorced (and dispose of their home ) a company sold (mine) , and a FIL get very old , very quickly and now requiring 4 care visits a day with the burden falling onto my wife and I (and other family members have better things to do ) .

We have a euro trip booked for a months time and feeling confident that this one also will need to be cancelled

Feeling a little self centered this month

So true!

No longer have holidays, just respite breaks away. I ‘retired’ in 2021, got married to my good lady in 1980, literally been caring for the In-laws ever since! Not only immediate family members, but including cousins, brothers, sisters. I lost my parents to cancer in 2015/2017. Twin sister had full mastectomy, eldest sister just getting over breast cancer. Now in 3rd year of Motorhome ownership, it only a gets if the drive when convenient to others. Ooh look, there’s a bank holiday coming. Can empathise. Take care. As an unpaid carer your life stops. Take care.

 

[plug]

Since 2019 when we bought our beloved motorhome we (and everyone else) had the pandemic , a mother in law was diagnosed and then pass away with cancer . A son move to Italy , a daughter break up from her husband and get divorced (and dispose of their home ) a company sold (mine) , and a FIL get very old , very quickly and now requiring 4 care visits a day with the burden falling onto my wife and I (and other family members have better things to do ) .

We have a euro trip booked for a months time and feeling confident that this one also will need to be cancelled

Feeling a little self centered this month

There comes a time when in life other things need to take a back seat for your own well being.

 

[Katie516]

We haven't been more than a few hours away from home for years, since FIL needed care. He passed away last week. Now we feel guilty for even thinking about a trip abroad

Please don't feel guilty. You've done everything you could, and it's your time now. Would he have wanted you to feel that way? I very very much doubt it.
Book that trip now, you have travelling to do, and a life to live x

 

[john prince]

There comes a time when in life other things need to take a back seat for your own well being.

The best thing for my wellbeing was buying the Motorhome in the first place. Once my wife and I actually get away, brilliant-until the phone rings….

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[AlanandMayya]

Sisters friend had both parents in hospital and when they came back home the dad needed a night carer just in case he needed anything.
Carer firm charge £200+ a night the brother lives local and has had nothing to do with the parents then all of a sudden says he will do the night shiftturns out he was charging the dad £120 a night what a scumbag let the sister do everything for months then jumps in when money is about!!

Wow, that is cheeky. If M’s family did that to her she’d be round with a rolling pin to explain …..

 

[Adeydub]

By way of an update the FIL has rallied a bit and the careers seem happy to look after him whilst we are in our trip - those NHS ladies are worth their weight in gold . So 10 day countdown and then we’re off .

Excellent, enjoy your trip. You'll be in a much better position to provide great care when you return. And yes, those NHS ladies are excellent

 

[TheBig1]

I am not going to say, been there done that as no 2 cases are identical. However if you read through the thread "Getting old is no fun" you will appreciate that you are not alone in this.

My advice from experience is that you absolutely must take breaks when you can. Your relationship with your loved ones, mental and physical health will all take a pounding otherwise. Talk to the family and spell it out in simple words they can understand, that they absolutely have to carry their fair share of the caring etc. Done properly, a caring burden shared equally will benefit all involved, especially the loved one being cared for

 

[Tony50]

My Fatherinlaw liked doing what HE wanted to do , so he went into flat complex with manager on call, we used to clean up after him, he cooked his own meals.it got to the point where he needed 24 HR care, there was no way he could have lived with us ,y wife and him would haf bern at loggerheads with each other and probably me as well, then he went into a Care home with people of his own age and was happy there it's hard sometimes in life to make decisions, but, I have always said toy dons I'm not going to be a burden to anyone, I would rather go to Dicetass,( however you spell it ) in Switzerland and get a jab

 

[Smokaijo]

Since 2019 when we bought our beloved motorhome we (and everyone else) had the pandemic , a mother in law was diagnosed and then pass away with cancer . A son move to Italy , a daughter break up from her husband and get divorced (and dispose of their home ) a company sold (mine) , and a FIL get very old , very quickly and now requiring 4 care visits a day with the burden falling onto my wife and I (and other family members have better things to do ) .

We have a euro trip booked for a months time and feeling confident that this one also will need to be cancelled

Feeling a little self centered this month

I really feel for you with so many negative things going on it’s easy to feel down but I for one would try if you can to take that trip as I feel you need a little good in your life to counter the bad.
We kept our trip as I spent most of last year in & out of hospital and this year is already looking to be just as challenging so we went to Spain and loved it. Still in pain still having to have surgery - self centred I think not - sometimes you just need that break …….

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[Odd-no-more]

FIL had the larger amount of attendance allowance, it just about covered his care contribution. Mrs Odd has been advised by a doctor at the hospital that she should claim it as well, so that's on the list now

Got it in the post today

 

[egan1763]

We haven't been more than a few hours away from home for years, since FIL needed care. He passed away last week. Now we feel guilty for even thinking about a trip abroad

You shouldn’t feel guilty you were good to be there for them. It’s now your turn to think about yourselves, life is too short for regrets. Remember you did your best. Now it’s your turn to be happy and free don’t let life pass you by

 

[jennywren]

form for attendance complete and in the post today

Thanks to all

Some well-meaning and well-put sentiments on here, it's a lot more than 'just' motorhomes!

I hope things work out for you as I'm sure they will do. At least, you will stand tall when out the other end and the feeling when heading off in the van will be just that bit better for it. Good luck.

 

[nicholsong]

We haven't been more than a few hours away from home for years, since FIL needed care. He passed away last week. Now we feel guilty for even thinking about a trip abroad

I can understand that you might have felt guilty about wishing to want a trip abroad when he was alive and restricting you, but now that feeling of guilt should drop away because there is nothing you can do for him now and you are FREE.

 

[Molly A]

We haven't been more than a few hours away from home for years, since FIL needed care. He passed away last week. Now we feel guilty for even thinking about a trip abroad

You really shouldn't. You did what you needed to do, giving up your needs and wants to do so. The last thing you should be feeling is guilty. Pretty sure that your FIL would not want you do feel that way.

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[maguirem]

Since 2019 when we bought our beloved motorhome we (and everyone else) had the pandemic , a mother in law was diagnosed and then pass away with cancer . A son move to Italy , a daughter break up from her husband and get divorced (and dispose of their home ) a company sold (mine) , and a FIL get very old , very quickly and now requiring 4 care visits a day with the burden falling onto my wife and I (and other family members have better things to do ) .

We have a euro trip booked for a months time and feeling confident that this one also will need to be cancelled

Feeling a little self centered this month

Having gone through a similar episode in my life with caring for my mother - eventually it became too much and we talked to a social worker - these can organise carers and possibly a period of respite care for your father and yourself - if you are exhausted you cannot care for anyone - you need to look after yourself. Mother enjoyed the respite care so much she decided to stay in the nursing home enjoying the constant attention.

 

[Crazy Grandad]

Since 2019 when we bought our beloved motorhome we (and everyone else) had the pandemic , a mother in law was diagnosed and then pass away with cancer . A son move to Italy , a daughter break up from her husband and get divorced (and dispose of their home ) a company sold (mine) , and a FIL get very old , very quickly and now requiring 4 care visits a day with the burden falling onto my wife and I (and other family members have better things to do ) .

We have a euro trip booked for a months time and feeling confident that this one also will need to be cancelled

Feeling a little self centered this month

I feel for you & yours, life does get in the way but don't cancel your holiday. Let other members of the family do there bit. Lifes to short, remember this life is not a dress rehearsal it's the only one we have got so go & enjoy your holiday. We have spent the last 2 years saying goodbye to family & friends it's not easy. Good luck in whatever you do.