Life gets in the way

[Jewellbags]

Since 2019 when we bought our beloved motorhome we (and everyone else) had the pandemic , a mother in law was diagnosed and then pass away with cancer . A son move to Italy , a daughter break up from her husband and get divorced (and dispose of their home ) a company sold (mine) , and a FIL get very old , very quickly and now requiring 4 care visits a day with the burden falling onto my wife and I (and other family members have better things to do ) .

We have a euro trip booked for a months time and feeling confident that this one also will need to be cancelled

Feeling a little self centered this month

 

[Bessy765]

Tell the family members you need a break and they will have to share the load. They will all be there for the handout.

 

[Coastal Cruiser.]

Since 2019 when we bought our beloved motorhome we (and everyone else) had the pandemic , a mother in law was diagnosed and then pass away with cancer . A son move to Italy , a daughter break up from her husband and get divorced (and dispose of their home ) a company sold (mine) , and a FIL get very old , very quickly and now requiring 4 care visits a day with the burden falling onto my wife and I (and other family members have better things to do ) .

We have a euro trip booked for a months time and feeling confident that this one also will need to be cancelled

Feeling a little self centered this month

Sorry to hear about your issues it’s not easy

Have had similar to you, FIL now 90 and Mrs CC spends 2 days a week sorting him a few weeks back he was having radiotherapy so every day she was sorting him out.
Her brother lives 5 minutes away but visits for 1 hour once a fortnight and does nothing!!! have again cancelled our ferry to Portugal due to FIL third time as the last 2 mum was having Cemo so looking after her then she passed last May so been sorting out her stuff and house
Just when you finally get rid of your kids you end up looking after your parents

Hopefully you will get away in the van and can find some cover for FIL.

 

[Winger]

Tell the family members you need a break and they will have to share the load. They will all be there for the handout.

+1 for this approach and if they cannot agree on it just go, someone will step up to the plate

 

[Bessy765]

You could tel the other caring members you will use FIL’s saving to pay for carers whilst you are away,

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[Jewellbags]

Tell the family members you need a break and they will have to share the load. They will all be there for the handout.

Oh they’ll be there when the will is read . I console ourselves that our kids will see how we looked after their grandparents and we are able to look at ourselves in the mirror

 

[Coastal Cruiser.]

You could tel the other caring members you will use FIL’s saving to pay for carers whilst you are away,

Sisters friend had both parents in hospital and when they came back home the dad needed a night carer just in case he needed anything.
Carer firm charge £200+ a night the brother lives local and has had nothing to do with the parents then all of a sudden says he will do the night shiftturns out he was charging the dad £120 a night what a scumbag let the sister do everything for months then jumps in when money is about!!

 

[Jewellbags]

Sisters friend had both parents in hospital and when they came back home the dad needed a night carer just in case he needed anything.
Carer firm charge £200+ a night the brother lives local and has had nothing to do with the parents then all of a sudden says he will do the night shiftturns out he was charging the dad £120 a night what a scumbag let the sister do everything for months then jumps in when money is about!!

Nothing worse than people

 

[pelican]

Since 2019 when we bought our beloved motorhome we (and everyone else) had the pandemic , a mother in law was diagnosed and then pass away with cancer . A son move to Italy , a daughter break up from her husband and get divorced (and dispose of their home ) a company sold (mine) , and a FIL get very old , very quickly and now requiring 4 care visits a day with the burden falling onto my wife and I (and other family members have better things to do ) .

We have a euro trip booked for a months time and feeling confident that this one also will need to be cancelled

Feeling a little self centered this month

Dealt with similar over ten years and now have a clear road for a while. Just hang in there and do local trips. If you have good health bide your time.
Don't concern yourself with what other family members are not capable of, Just do it because you want to.

 

[nicholsong]

"My family and other Animals"

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[EuroTrotters]

Since 2019 when we bought our beloved motorhome we (and everyone else) had the pandemic , a mother in law was diagnosed and then pass away with cancer . A son move to Italy , a daughter break up from her husband and get divorced (and dispose of their home ) a company sold (mine) , and a FIL get very old , very quickly and now requiring 4 care visits a day with the burden falling onto my wife and I (and other family members have better things to do ) .

We have a euro trip booked for a months time and feeling confident that this one also will need to be cancelled

Feeling a little self centered this month

I hope you get away and have a great time

 

[Odd-no-more]

We haven't been more than a few hours away from home for years, since FIL needed care. He passed away last week. Now we feel guilty for even thinking about a trip abroad

 

[Go_buddy_go_]

Tell the family members you need a break and they will have to share the load. They will all be there for the handout.

Second this !!! You’re allowed to feel a little self centered too
Everyone needs a little break now and then

 

[MisterB]

Sisters friend had both parents in hospital and when they came back home the dad needed a night carer just in case he needed anything.
Carer firm charge £200+ a night the brother lives local and has had nothing to do with the parents then all of a sudden says he will do the night shiftturns out he was charging the dad £120 a night what a scumbag let the sister do everything for months then jumps in when money is about!!

And that's one of the reasons that HMRC have started to look at carers and want their 'cut'. I wonder how many of those 'dedicated' carers will now start to reduce their involvement - 40% tax implications will focus the takers and separate them from the genuine care givers who will now unfortunately be subject to the same scrutiny?

 

[Simon Meadwell]

Yes the vultures a swirling around my mil. Particularly the one that does nothing. ( too busy) and were not !
Glad i got that out.

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[The Coops]

Contact your L/A and see about a respite care package, FIL will go into sheltered care home for a couple of weeks and looked after, you get your break, (we are in the same boat so to speak) have you looked at Careers or Attendance Allowance? If you claim it it may passport you onto other benefits in kind.

 

[VXman]

Are you accessing all the support you can get from council/government. My wife has to look after her 95 MiL on and off. Fortunately the 2 brothers do their bit also. We got attendance allowance from the government and that funds visits everyday from carers. This means we can get trips away knowing someone is there regularly to ensure she's ok. Fortunately she he in reasonable health (for a 95 year old). I'm aware it might not be enough in your case but thought it worth raising just in case.

 

[brynric]

Maybe it’s a life stage we all go through. When we retired we toured extensively for 2 years, then mum went into hospital. Over the next 4 years we lost 3 parents, a very close uncle, the dog, all needed care - less so the dog. We sold 2 flats, moved house ourselves and welcomed a grandchild. Our siblings were very good but were still in work and lived at a distance from the parents so we were usually first call. In many ways we were lucky, 3 parents were in their 80s, one was a centenarian.
We’re now back to touring extensively again but we do recognise those few years were life-changing.

 

[Jewellbags]

We haven't been more than a few hours away from home for years, since FIL needed care. He passed away last week. Now we feel guilty for even thinking about a trip abroad

You shouldn’t feel guilty at all , it’s your time

 

[Jewellbags]

Are you accessing all the support you can get from council/government. My wife has to look after her 95 MiL on and off. Fortunately the 2 brothers do their bit also. We got attendance allowance from the government and that funds visits everyday from carers. This means we can get trips away knowing someone is there regularly to ensure she's ok. Fortunately she he in reasonable health (for a 95 year old). I'm aware it might not be enough in your case but thought it worth raising just in case.

We are just finishing off the attendance claim form today in preparation - as, I think , it’s the only one not means tested .

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[Odd-no-more]

We are just finishing off the attendance claim form today in preparation - as, I think , it’s the only one not means tested .

FIL had the larger amount of attendance allowance, it just about covered his care contribution. Mrs Odd has been advised by a doctor at the hospital that she should claim it as well, so that's on the list now

 

[Fidge]

Just dont leave a stick to beat yourself with when the inevitable happens. If you know ( as irksome as it is sometimes, I've been there!) that you've done all you could, believe me it makes your loss easier. I also agree with the others who have recommended you apply for LA help, benefits and respite care etc. I hope you get the help you deserve.

 

[Jewellbags]

form for attendance complete and in the post today

Thanks to all

 

[ctc]

Since 2019 when we bought our beloved motorhome we (and everyone else) had the pandemic , a mother in law was diagnosed and then pass away with cancer . A son move to Italy , a daughter break up from her husband and get divorced (and dispose of their home ) a company sold (mine) , and a FIL get very old , very quickly and now requiring 4 care visits a day with the burden falling onto my wife and I (and other family members have better things to do ) .

We have a euro trip booked for a months time and feeling confident that this one also will need to be cancelled

Feeling a little self centered this month

Tell them you're applying for LPA'S, they'll be there in 5 minutes.

 

[DavidG58]

Even though it’s expensive you and others in the same position really should look at respite care, some are more like luxury hotels than care homes for us it was money well spent , mum had savings and actually seemed to the extra level of attention

Get ready to pay £2K / week though for somewhere you would be happy to stay yourself

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[SpeedyDux]

We have reached the end of the road as far as care at home for Duxette's mum (95) can possibly go. Tomorrow she will move into a care home. At last we will be able to go away in the MH without worrying, or getting Careline alarm calls.

 

[Jewellbags]

Tell them you're applying for LPA'S, they'll be there in 5 minutes.

had that sorted years ago - they dont like it

 

[vkr15s]

Sisters friend had both parents in hospital and when they came back home the dad needed a night carer just in case he needed anything.
Carer firm charge £200+ a night the brother lives local and has had nothing to do with the parents then all of a sudden says he will do the night shiftturns out he was charging the dad £120 a night what a scumbag let the sister do everything for months then jumps in when money is about!!

Shame you can’t choose your family,I believe you get out what you put in so I dare say he will be lonely when it’s his turn.

 

[Coastal Cruiser.]

Shame you can’t choose your family,I believe you get out what you put in so I dare say he will be lonely when it’s his turn.

Most definitely, he is quick enough to take money from his dad when he is skint!!
Luckily Mrs CC is executer of his estate so he will be waiting a very long time for her to sort out how much money he will get

 

[Tea Bag]

Hi.
NOT doing money ( Jennifer did that ) If i remember, on the JY Radio 2 prog. a Legal eagle said IF I REMEMBER "Providing you leave someone £100 in the will they cannot contest it " He also used to say when people were having trouble with neighbours... " Move " .
Tea Bag

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