Gassed When Wild Camping

[hilldweller]

Got me thinking now. Should I remember you?

Who are you and don't answer "The Doctor".

 

[hilldweller]

Why was this thread rejuvenated? I thought that ones this old and out of date would have been fossilised ...

Ere. oo are you calling fozzilizzed ?

 

[MattR]

Ere. oo are you calling fozzilizzed ?

Do you think of yourself as old and out of date?

 

[GJH]

Who are you and don't answer "The Doctor".

A policeman knew my name

 

[SwissBob]

I got gassed in Belgium when camping at the moto GP. Bloody CRC with their tear gas. We weren't even being naughty.

What do you mean I've missed the point?

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[JJ]

But avoid motorway aires at all costs, I wouldn't even pull into one let alone spend the night.

I have used them regularly for over 40 years and never had any problems at all...

Stopped on a "lovely" aire in a small French town last summer and two neighbouring vans were broken into and robbed in the night.


JJ

 

[mitzimad]

eh senor any one want to buy an ipad and a cheap rolex?

 

[Snowbird]

I have used them regularly for over 40 years and never had any problems at all...

Stopped on a "lovely" aire in a small French town last summer and two neighbouring vans were broken into and robbed in the night.


JJ

Ahah, but you didnt have a sign outside saying "LOADSAMONEY" and they had no idea where you kept your boat . Anyway, its not everyone that wants 200 Fray Bentos pies.

 

[jockaneezer]

Perhaps it's time for a new competition.

Who can resurrect the oldest thread while still keeping it current?.

Think I saw one on here by some bloke called Marco Polo saying he'd run out of Elsan fluid and did anyone know of a Lidl on the Silk Road where he could buy some of those washing machine bio tabs

 

[KeithChesterfield]

'Allo, it is I, René Francois Artois!

And I would like to make a full Gassing confession.
You may recall the 'Derby Six' who reported being 'gassed' in August a couple of years ago in their large Motorhome, we in France call them Camping Cars, and many of the publishers of your soon-to-be Chip wrappers spread the news on their front pagers.

It was I, my family and colleagues who were the perpetrators of this heinous crime and I would like to explain the circumstances.

After the War I moved from my Café in the little village of Nouvion in Northern France to Bourges where I opened a new Café at a Motorway Service Station

My lovely wife Edith, Yvette and Mimi came with me to help and I was lucky to also have Lieutenant Gruber who cooks in the kitchen and goes to the Cash and Carry in his little tank.

The incident happened when a family from Derby stopped at my little café in August and parked their Camping Car in the nearby Service Station car park.
They brought their own food with them into the Café and irritated me by not buying any of dear Gubers delightfully cooked produce.

They asked for my finest Red wine, I wasn't going to waste any of that on the tight fisted group, and they were given a few bottles of the worst vintage I could muster.
During their long drinking session one of the members of the Resistance heard something that they had mentioned, and she told me only once, the words 'Madonna' and 'big boobs'.

This of course brought back memories of the picture of 'The Fallen Madonna and the Big Boobies' by Van Klomp and its whereabouts because it hasn't been seen in decades and must now be worth a fortune.
Apparently they had a suitcase in the Camping Car with the possibility that the long lost painting was inside the case.

After they left my little Café in an alcohol induced state after drinking the rough, but expensively priced, wine I had so generously served we formed a plan to steal the suitcase and relieve them of the picture of the Madonna and the Big Boobies.

When everyone inside the vehicle, suffering from the after effects of my 'finest' wine, finally succumbed to sleep Gruber parked his ageing smoky exhaust emitting little tank next to the Camping Car.
He climbed on top of his little tank and lowered a hook on a rope through the open sky light of the Camping Car and, bless him, lifted the suitcase out without disturbing the slumbering occupants.

We hurried back to the Café and eagerly opened the case.
To our bitter disappointment the suitcase only contained a couple of Madonna DVDs, some sweaty shirts and a couple of bras that would have fitted Mama Cass - and not the picture we so dearly craved.

When the family came back to my café the next morning complaining about bad headaches and a stolen suitcase I immediately referred them to Officer Crabtree.
His grasp of French and English completely bemused them, their own Derbyshire accent nullifying Crabtrees attempt at sorting out the English version of the problem, and he directed them to our local Hospital for some headache relieving tablets.

Yvette and Mimi's daughters work as Nurses at the Hospital, and with my guidance and advice, both girls intimated that it was obviously Carbon Monoxide poisoning that had effected the six English and not the worst tasting and smelling wine that anyone could possibly consume and get away without severe repercussions.

To my horror, and my horror has often been tested, the Derby family claimed around 2,000 of your English pounds for replacing the contents of the stolen suitcase.

I, Edith, and the two English airmen, who still haven't gone home despite frequent efforts to get rid of them, have trawled the Internet to find the real value of the contents and I'm afraid the optimistic estimate to be round €40 (£32) as most the items we saw were either possibly pirate versions of the delightful Madonna's DVDs or poor quality shirts and bras bought from Derby market.

I admit my involvement in the crime that your Newspapers reported in chilling detail but feel I have truthfully put my side of the story and insist that normally we would only serve such appalling wine to those who are naïve, stupid or downright thick – and that can't be you, can it?

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[pappajohn]

I have used them regularly for over 40 years and never had any problems at all...

Stopped on a "lovely" aire in a small French town last summer and two neighbouring vans were broken into and robbed in the night.


JJ

They maybe looked at yours JJ....and thought it had been dumped.

 

[Kevan]

OH NO i miss all the good gassings

 

[Minxy]

I have used them regularly for over 40 years and never had any problems at all...

Stopped on a "lovely" aire in a small French town last summer and two neighbouring vans were broken into and robbed in the night.


JJ

I, Inspector Clouseau-Girl, 'ave been watching you Monsieur JJ ... by your own words you admit you were not robbed ... for which I know the reason ... j'accuse YOU Monsieur JJ of being le robber in order to fund your pie-munching addiction!

 

[JJ]

I, Inspector Clouseau-Girl, 'ave been watching you Monsieur JJ ... by your own words you admit you were not robbed ... for which I know the reason ... j'accuse YOU Monsieur JJ of being le robber in order to fund your pie-munching addiction!

Libel... pure libel... and my legal people will be in touch, as will my Princess Frankie because of your dreadful attempt at using French!

JJ

 

[Minxy]

Libel... pure libel... and my legal people will be in touch, as will my Princess Frankie because of your dreadful attempt at using French!

JJ

Sacré bleu! Je suis Clouseau! Mon franglish est parfait!

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[JJ]

Goodness, I hated those films!

JJ

 

[yodeli]

'Allo, it is I, René Francois Artois!

Oulalalalalala...... on est très très malade hein? Un petit cachet? Allez René, ça va passer!

 

[yodeli]

Sacré bleu! Je suis Clouseau! Mon franglish est parfait!

...Oh my Oh my

 

[suavecarve]

I need to post just to show that i have read this comic oops thread and taken relevant precautions

 

[olley]

Hi a restarted gassing thread, just when I was getting bored.

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[SteveB123]

hi,
be warned not to stay in aires in france, especially south of lyon.
my wife and seven year old son at the time, used too, until we were gased. it is an epidemic in france, thats according to the french police.
burglars will fill you van via the air vents with dentistry gas whilst your sleeping rendering you partly unconscious. they then enter your vehicle and have all the time to do what that please. a very distubing experience and still plays on my mind, that they could of removed my son demanding all sorts of money or payments. cameras passports cash rings wallets purses handbags sat navs credit cards anything and everything with a value went.

please be careful
grahame

What a load of crap

 

[Camping Gaza]

Bullshyte

 

[olley]

What a load of crap

No no no, it real, it happens, my mate said it happend to his mates uncle, honest.

 

[pappajohn]

Hi a restarted gassing thread, just when I was getting bored.

Especially one that's 8 year old......must be a record for the oldest revival.

 

[Mickey1]

I've heard they now use laughing gas on miserable motorhomers.

Mickey.

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[olley]

Think of the amount of people gassed in 8 years John, and the amount of Rolex's stolen, brings a tear to my eye.

 

[mitzimad]

strange really were nearly into july and i havent seen a news paper story about gassing yet this yearim sure if we keep this thread going some webcrawler will bring it to their attention

 

[adt]

My wife suffered a gas attack in our MH last year.
She was sleeping upstairs with me downstairs with the dogs after a sausage and bean casserole washed down with copious amounts of red wine by myself.
I believe she did remain unconscious throughout but the dog did moan a bit.

 

[Minxy]

strange really were nearly into july and i havent seen a news paper story about gassing yet this yearim sure if we keep this thread going some webcrawler will bring it to their attention

That's not a nice thing to call another funster!

 

[Just smiffy]

It's all a conspiracy started by Tuggers ....

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