Should we sell our van? We are in a quandary.

[martin2603]

Don’t sell it.

 

[Jaws]

Many sensible suggestions thanks. I just get a kind of homesick feeling every time I see the van doing nothing. We did arrange for my sister to come down for a week in September to look after Pat whilst we went away in her but Manchester where she lives is in lockdown again so we can't even look forward to that!

When we first got a van we could not get away... But we set a distance of 60 miles max and just went away for days here and there;...
With that in mind, would mum like a day out sometimes ? ( if it is possible ? )

 

[Minxy]

Don't really know your position on this but if she is reasonably mobile couldn't you take her with you on short stays?

I wouldn't ... IMV they should keep the MH as their OWN sanctuary and memories, days out in the car for an elderly person is probably more 'comfortable' literally from a seating and familiarity viewpoint. We took my 95 year old Mum out yesterday and it was a bit of a farce ... no way will I take her in the MH again, the car yes, but not the MH.

Bob - as for looking after your MIL at home, others have done this so there are plenty of threads on here about it, one of the most informative being the 'Gin' one with lots of info and experience from David and others in similar situations.

Funnily enough we had a conversation this morning about what to do if my Mum could no longer stay in her home and I firmly stated that no way would she move in with us! She lives in a first floor flat which she loves however it wouldn't be possible to put a stair lift in so she'd have no choice but to move to somewhere more suitable on her own or be 'trapped' - we went through this a good few years ago with her to try to get her to move to a new flat which would allow her to be 'independent' for longer in the future but after a lot of toing and froing she wanted to stay put and it's not an experience I want to repeat.

None of my siblings would/could take her into their homes so if it gets to the point where staying in her own flat isn't a possibility, by which time she'd probably not be able to manage in a new flat either, she'd have to go into an assisted living facility of some sort, depending on her needs. She wouldn't like it but I'm afraid that whilst we do a lot for her, having had her live with us temporarily when she was poorly once many years ago, the 'demands' she placed on us then drove us nuts, and we were never able to relax, not to mention that we literally had to 'evict' her as she got too comfortable and didn't want to leave.

We're the ones who have been doing all the running about for her due to CV which we don't begrudge but that's completely different to having her here 24/7. We could possibly create an annex for her as David did for his Mum but that would still mean we'd be the ones totally responsible for her (even with help but she'd be unlikely to accept it) so that's a no-no.

Call me selfish if you want but she has the funds to pay for a very nice place for quite a while if needs be although the family wouldn't be happy as they expect to get a nice inheritance in due course but it could end up with them getting very little if this has to happen, I don't care about an inheritance so it doesn't bother me.

We're younger than some who have elderly parents but we do have health issues too and if we spend years looking after my Mum the likelihood of our being able to have trips away during that time would be much reduced and afterwards more than likely we'd not be physically able to. My Mum has done what she wants for a long time and enjoyed herself so we should be 'allowed' to do the same without guilt.